personal007

Dear Gramps, I am a 24 year old mother of two young children ages 3 and 1. I am a full-time stay at home mom and I love being able to care for my children. My husband works for a large corporate farm and works a lot of hours, sometimes as many as 85 per week. I know that my place is in the home caring for our children, and that his primary responsibility is to provide for our children and me. When my husband is at home, he wants everything to be spotlessly clean, dinner ready and waiting, and will not help with the care of the children or the house, even when asked nicely. I understand that he is tired, but is there a way to approach him and help him to understand that his responsibilities as father, husband, and head of our home do not end when he punches the time clock? Or, am I the one who is in the wrong by expecting him to help when he is at home? Sincerely, A tired Mommy

Dear tired Mommy,

The family years when children are small are not always easy. There is often not time for either husband or wife to do all the things that they would like to do, and the pressures of work for the husband and maintaining the home for the wife can sometimes be severe. If your husband is working 85 hours per week, he is probably doing as much or more than some other men would who hold down two full-time jobs. In addition, his work is probably rather physical, so he must be rather tired when he comes home. On the other hand, caring for two children, ages one and three, is undoubtedly more than an 85-hour per week occupation, and it is also rather physical. You probably feel as tired as your husband does when he gets home.

When two people come together in a marriage relationship they bring with them pre-conceived notions of the roles of husband and wife. Because of their different backgrounds these pre-conceived notions are seldom the same, so some adjustments must be made. However, changing pre-conceived notions is not easy. The usual thing is that each party expects the other to do the changing. Therefore it takes some time before each of the parties in a marriage relationship see eye to eye on all matters—usually about a lifetime.

There are some principles that could be applied that would shorten the period and bring unexpected joy and happiness into the relationship. One of the principles of happiness, adopted by covenant by those who are sealed together in the holy temple, is the law of sacrifice. If each partner in the marriage relationship could sacrifice personal interest in favor of the interest of their companion, they would have the happiest of relationships. If our primary interest were to make our partner happy, then we would find fulfillment and joy in the object or our labors. When those things are done with no thought of recognition or reward, the object of our affection is blessed, built up, made happy by our actions, and we are blessed, built up and made happy by a loving Father in Heaven.