Personal Matters

Dear Gramps, I've been looking for a healthy, relatively easy way to lose a few extra pounds put on after having a baby. I've been hearing a lot about low-carbohydrate diets—Dr. Atkins New Revolutionary Diet, Carbohydrate Addict's Diet, Protein Power. Basically, they say you can lose weight by cutting your intake of carbohydrates to about 30 grams a day and you can eat as much non-carb food as you like—meats, eggs, cheese. These are foods with fairly high fat content. Is it possible to lose weight on a plan like this? s/Baby-fat. [answer]

Dear Gramps, Being a raised Mormon for 16 years now, some things that I have been taught have just always seemed right. But lately the older I get the more that I am starting to question things. Like the Temple for example. I used to want to be married in the temple so much. But now when I think of it, I don't desire a temple marriage at all. I just have a hard time agreeing that I should have to marry another Mormon. I don't think that that is right. But sometimes I feel so bad for feeling this way. Not a spiritual feeling, just that if I didn't get married in the temple I would be a bad person and ruin things for my family. And I don't think that that is fair. Why should I feel like this is something that I have to do? And I don't think its fair that if you marry outside the church, you can't receive the highest exaltation, just because you fell in love with a non-member, whether or not you are a good person. I just don't agree with it.

And I have just been having a hard time agreeing with all sorts of church doctrine. Like, if there really were plural Gods, and if we could one day become Gods ourselves, why does it never mention that in the Bible? Why does God say that there is only one God?

What it really comes down to is this. I don't know for sure if I want to be Mormon. What I want to do right now, is go and see what some other churches are like. And just see how I feel when I am there. I feel that that is something that I need to do if I am going to decide whether or not Mormonism is right for me. But my parents won't let me. And they said that no matter what I have to be Mormon until I am 18. It seems like they are hiding something from me, or they're almost threatened by other churches. Why is that? And are my feelings really bad ones? I can't change the way I feel, but I hate feeling guilty for what is really in my heart. What can I do? No matter what I want to go see another church at least once someday, just to make sure that that is not the true church, but what do I do until then? Thanks Gramps. Kana [answer]

Dear Gramps, I recently attended the funeral of relatives of mine...a couple that died under the tragic circumstances of murder and suicide. I went with only sympathy and compassion in my heart. Ill will towards the perpetrator of this tragedy had not crossed my mind. When I arrived at the viewing, I felt a distinct "spirit" lingering. I have never experienced that when viewing any other deceased individuals. I felt the personality of the wife present, and felt she was extremely mad...very furious over the circumstances of her death. The husband's presence I did not feel as strongly. Yet, it was there and I felt an evil that I was very surprised by. My husband later said he had exactly the same manifestation.

Are we imagining this? I always thought the spirit left the body immediately and went to the Spirit World and did not return to this realm until the resurrection. What were we experiencing? Brenda [answer]

Dear Gramps, Thanks for your input, now I have a follow-up question, and actually could use a little advice on this one. Currently I am a seminary student at a Baptist seminary, my studies are in the area of evangelism and church growth. I only have three semesters left and feel that my education would prove valuable even in the LDS world. My problem is that if I were to “convert” (for lack of better terms) I would probably not be allowed to continue with my education. This is a masters degree that I have worked hard on since 1995 and look forward to getting soon. But once again, I want to seek Him above all things, would it be wrong to “muffle” my beliefs in order to finish with school and then follow in His will? BD [answer]

Dear Gramps, I am a daughter of an alcoholic father who has been struggling with alcoholism for a long time. He joined the church when he was around 19 years old. He has a strong testimony of the gospel, but still chooses to do things contrary to the church. He needs help but refuses to get some. Needless to say that my young brothers, sister and mother are suffering because of it. (They are the only ones at home now.)

Soon after my father joined the church he baptized his father, and soon after that my grandfather committed suicide. I knew my grandfather was an alcoholic too. But I found out not too long ago that he suffered from manic depression. As I found out about my grandfather I see that my father acts pretty much the same way.

I never met my grandfather, he died a little less than a year before I was born. But I feel that I knew him before I was born, and that I need to help my father and our family somehow. I am thinking that I just need to speak frankly to my father about the similarities and plead with him to get help. And tons of PRAYER of course. What do you think? I know that this is long but I admire you and your advice. I am curious about what you think. Little Pearl [answer]

Dear Gramps, My family’s sort of inactive. How can I help them? Julie [answer]

Dear Gramps, I am a 24 year old mother of two young children ages 3 and 1. I am a full-time stay at home mom and I love being able to care for my children. My husband works for a large corporate farm and works a lot of hours, sometimes as many as 85 per week. I know that my place is in the home caring for our children, and that his primary responsibility is to provide for our children and me. When my husband is at home, he wants everything to be spotlessly clean, dinner ready and waiting, and will not help with the care of the children or the house, even when asked nicely. I understand that he is tired, but is there a way to approach him and help him to understand that his responsibilities as father, husband, and head of our home do not end when he punches the time clock? Or, am I the one who is in the wrong by expecting him to help when he is at home? Sincerely, A tired Mommy [answer]

Dear Gramps, My husband and I would love to go on a mission. We are in a financial position to serve anywhere in the world and would love to serve in a third world country. The concern we have is his elderly mother. She is not a member of the church and would not understand our desire to serve a mission. Her feeling is that we should wait until after her death. Fortunately, she enjoys wonderful health, lives alone, and is very active in her ladies organizations. How do we make her understand that we are not abandoning her? Any input would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. Christine [answer]

Dear Gramps, My family has been struggling with financial problems for a while, due to my dad being unemployed. I have fasted and prayed many days and nights along with the rest of my family and nothing has happened for almost a year, why isn’t the Lord answering my prayers? Sarah. [answer]

Dear Gramps, How do you explain to a family member that is new in the church about porno, masturbation, oral sex, and all the things we have been cautioned about and told by the Lord is a sin? The person I know has talked with a doctor who has said that if it enhances sex it is ok. Where can I find a really good talk about it from the church to show them? I am very troubled by the fact that it is going on. Elaine [answer]

Dear Gramps, We recently lost my 16 year old grandson in a tragic accident. I know that he is in a better place and beginning a whole new adventure, and we will see him again when we return to live with Heavenly Father. My grandson used to go to church with me when he was small. When he was nine years old, he stood and bore his testimony (unsolicited) that he knew the church was true. I believe he meant it. Even with this knowledge, this is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. My daughter is not a member of any church and has begun to worry that maybe there is nothing after this life. How can I help her? Sincerely, Phyllis [answer]

Dear Gramps, I'm a member of the church and I have a question. My wife and I got in to a heated discussion about my wish to do genealogy and she says that I'm obsessing over it. The question is, what is crossing the line of obsession and hobby? I really don't know! My wife says I do genealogy once a week. And that is about right. Is that an obsession with genealogy? Jared H. Crow, rocketmail.com [answer]

Gramps, How do you get the courage to bear your testimony? I am so scared to stand in front of people and talk. I haven’t done it for many years and now I have a small son and I want him to know that I have one and I also want him to be able to bear his one day, but right now I am not a very good example. Connie, from Utah [answer]

Gramps, My wife and I have four children and we feel that our family is complete. I have thought about getting a vasectomy. Have church leaders given any guidance on this issue? Thanks. Sheldon [answer]

Dear Gramps, My husband, children and I converted to the gospel five years ago. My father is respectful but my mother is against everything we believe in and we cannot even mention anything about the church or take a stand on our beliefs without her becoming rude and hysterical. She of course would like to influence the children but the youngest is now 16 and they are very devoted. How can I honor my mother? Julie, from Washington [answer]

Gramps, Thank you for all your hard work. I apologize for the rambling this question will take. I have tried to pin down exactly what I mean, but it’s difficult. My question is regarding intercessory prayer. If we pray and pray for someone to come into the church and they don’t, what does that mean? If they do, what does THAT mean? Isn’t it better for a person to figure out they need truth and find it themselves by asking God themselves? I am not talking about the people out there who would never hear of Christ or the truth if we didn’t preach. Missionary work and talking to others about the gospel is essential. I mean, what has intercessory prayer got to do with a person’s conversion, and what are the rules that apply to that, if any? I understand that if I pray for my husband to join the church and in his entire life he never does, I know the Spirit has worked with him and he refused to hear. But what if I never pray for him? Is his lack of conversion my fault or his? Wouldn’t it be better if he found his own way in? What about those in the world who are never prayed for? And one more question, there is a member of our ward who, whenever he feels he has a big issue to be prayed over, calls up lots of members to “pray about it with him.” Does that mean I would get more help from God to convert my husband or family if I had an entire ward pray for them in addition to the temple prayer roll? I can’t find answers to these questions anywhere. Hope you can help me make sense of these. Pam, from California [answer]

Gramps, I know we are supposed to love our neighbor and our enemies as ourselves. But I have found myself struggling with a person who has just joined the Church and who plays one person against another where I work. This is bringing several comments about this person and the Mormons. This person seems to relish in causing conflict among people and in getting people to feel sorry for her. I keep trying to love her as a sister and hate her actions but have found several times that she has raised my anger. What scriptures could I read to learn how to deal with this behavior and to prevent loosing self control and temper? Harry, from Texas [answer]

Dear Gramps, If one has a miscarriage, does that spirit stay in heaven to wait to be reunited with it’s parents & family later or does that spirit have the opportunity to come down and gain a physical body again with another pregnancy? Basically, what I am saying is if I had a miscarriage between child 2 and 3, is my child #3 actually the spirit of the miscarriage or do I have another spirit #4 waiting? Thank you for your reply! Beverly, from Arizona [answer]

Dear Gramps, In the news a while ago a little boy fed his little brother Windex through a bottle. I know that free agency is there but why does the Lord allow people to hurt his children. My Dad told me that the Lord takes them away quick so that they don't feel anything, but what about the parents that have to deal with the loss of one child to death and another to jail? Sarah, from Utah [answer]

Hi Gramps, I so enjoy learning from your letters, but I have something I need help with…kids, who are not members, that are angry, and swear that one daughter, born of us, is more important than the nephew we raised as a son since he was a baby. Their ages are 24 and 27, but their feelings remain. I want to help the new mom and not make the son angry, what should I do? Grams in ks [answer]